Naruto and The Ramen Factory
by Latiosman1
Summary: Orochimaru's ramen factory is offering a tour of the factory to a lucky few in Konoha, will Naruto and Kakashi be able to pick up their butts and enter the contest?


Naruto and the Ramen Factory

A/N: Guess what this is? It's a spoof of Willy Wonka!

Disclaimer: I am dis-claiming that I do not own Inuyasha or Naruto.

Naruto ran down a crowded street.

Naruto: "Sensei, I'm home!"

Kakashi: "I never did realize how you tricked me into letting you live with me."

Naruto: " Regardless, I got my first mission payment today! I'm going to the Ramen shop."

Kakashi: "Ok! Hurry back!"

Naruto ran down the street to the shop.

Sakura: "Oh my gosh! Listen to that!" Naruto pressed his ear to the window. On the TV there was a news report.

Anchorman: " We have an important announcement. For many a year, the ramen factory headquarters have been closed, but soon, the doors will open to a lucky few. The owner, Orochimaru, has announced that he has hidden 5 slips in the bottoms of ramen cups. Whoever finds them will be able to bring a single friend with them into the factory for a tour. They will walk away with a lifetime supply of ramen. Better start hunting!" He opened a cup of ramen and dug into it.

All the kids hurried into the store.

Iruka: "Orochimaru has made a new kind of ramen, Super-spicy! The slips are only in these ramens."

The kids came up to the counter and watched as Iruka made ramen.

Iruka (singing): "Who can take soup bowl, and turn it into ramen. Who can take some veggies, and make them taste quite good. The ramen man can... Who can use some chicken, and turn it into soup! The ramen man caa... OOMMF!!"

A kid shot him with a slingshot in the head, which fell in the boiling soup.(His head)

Kiba: "Shut the f up and give me my ramen!!!"(Assorted people agreeing)

Naruto: "Damn, where's the other shop?" He ran down the street until he got to another shop. He checked his pockets. There was a hole in his pants.

Naruto: "Where's my money? Damn..." He left to go back home.

"Kakashi, I'm home!" Kakashi was sitting in a chair staring blankly, smoking, and wearing an apron.

Naruto: "Can I have a dollar for ramen?"

Kakashi: " Sorry, I spent it all on hookers and booze." He opened the fridge, it was completely full with beer.

Naruto: "God damn, are you even fit to be a legal guardian?"

Kakashi: "Probably not, but all I know is were are about out of cash."

Naruto: "But you are bringing in money right?"

Kakashi: "No, I can't think of a way to make cash."

Naruto: "Well, you could whore yourself out to a thousand schoolgirls for fifty bucks each. That's fifty grand right there."

Kakashi: "Holy shit, that is the best idea I've ever heard anyone say about anything...Ever."

Naruto: "Well, better get cracking, or whatever verb applies."

Kakashi: "I finally got a chance to wear that thong I got two weeks ago."

Naruto: "...WTF...Ok then..." He backed out of the room."

----The Next Day----

Naruto: "Man, I've only had one cup of ramen since the contest began, at this rate I'll never win!"

Sakura: "Well I've already had 32, and I'm actually burning my throat every time I eat one."

Ino: "Well, I'm a bulemian, so my throat burns no matter what I eat."

Mizuki: " Well, today we'll be doing some multiplying. I want to know how many ramens you have eaten so far, Chouji."

Chouji:(Hoarse voice) "122."

Mizuki: "So, if we multiply that by .5, we get..."

Sasuke: "33?"

Mizuki: "No."

Naruto: "500?"

Mizuki: "No."

Sakura: "Obviously the answer is 65."

Mizuki: "No."

Students: "(Gasp) She got a problem wrong!"

Shino: "The problem must be impossible!"

Mizuki: "No, you retards!!!! The Fing answer is 66! Gosh you kids are such idiots!"

He took a deep breath.

"Mizuki, remember what the doctor said, the next time it happens, you're going to jail again..." He took a pill.

Suddenly perky Mizuki: "Ok class, we're doing another problem. Naruto, how many ramens have you had since the contest began?"

Naruto: "Only one sir."

Mizuki: "Well, even I can't divide that! But let's say you had 100..."

Konohamaru: "Sir! The first slip has been found!"

Mizuki: "Really? Class dismissed!"

Kono.: "Iruka found it!"

Mizuki: "Class undismissed!"

Kono.: "And he's giving it away!"

Mizuki: "Class redismissed!"

Anchorman: "Indeed, the first slip has been found, a child with roots in Poland has gotten the first slip. We have the child right here. He seems to have an unhealthy obsession with his teacher and training."

Rock Lee: "Guy sensei! I did it! I'm going to the ramen factory! I'm going to run a lap around the city!" He took off his weights. "See you!" He appeared right back there 20 seconds later. "All right!"

Mizuki: "You son of a BITCH!!!! Liar!!"

Policeman: "You're going to come with me. I know we've had this problem before."

Mizuki: "NOOOO!! I'm a good person! Don't take me again! You guys are freakin' Nazis!!"

Naruto: "Kakashi, I'm home! How's that money making thing going?"

Kakashi: "Let me check." He stuck a device in his pants. "My sperm count is down to...ten."

Naruto: "Couldn't you just count your money?"

Kakashi: "This was a Christmas gift two years ago, I finally got a chance to use it."

Naruto: "Well, the first ramen slip has been found. So my odds are that much worse of finding it.

Anchorman: " It seems that yet another slip has been found. A German child with a voracious appetite has recently found the slip while dining at Ichiraku ramen shop. He has been unable to interview because of how much he has been eating. All we know from is parents is that his name is Chouji."

Naruto: "So my chances are that much less of-"

Anchorman: "Yet another slip has been found, this time by a girl from the Hidden Flower Village; Sakura Haruno."

Sakura: "I won, all thanks to my daddy forcing illegal immigrants to buy and open ramens so I could win the contest. Thank you daddy!"

Naruto: "See, look my chances are getting worse by the min-"

Anchorman: "The fourth slip has just been found, another girl from the area has won it after eating her 12th meal that day."

Ino: " I had just finished throwing up after my 3rd dinner when I got a snack. Right there I found it. And I'm gonna kick ass at the World Bulemian Competition in two weeks!"

Naruto: "Well, that makes me feel like suicide. I'm gonna go hang myself."

Kakashi: "No Naruto, you can't! You have so much to live for! And if you die, Child Services will get onto me again!"

Naruto: "But this ramen competition is the only thing keeping me alive! And now there's only one slip left!"

Kakashi: " Here, I got you a ramen, I think you might be lucky today."

Naruto opened and ate the ramen.

Naruto: "Damn, nothing. I'm going out."

He walked down the street and looked at all the dead bodies on the ground.

Naruto: "Where'd all these bodies come from?"

Passerby: "It's the heartburn you get from that many ramens, it'll melt the entire inside of your neck off."

Several days Later

Naruto: "Man am I bored."

Kakashi: "I'm home, and I'm contemplating suicide."

Naruto: "What happened?"

Kakashi: "The last slut I did took all my money, so all we've got is a fridge half-full of booze."

Naruto: "Well, I got enough for a meal, so I'm gonna go get a ramen."

He walked off and down the street with his one cup.

Naruto: "Well, this is my last ramen, here goes."

He looked in the cup after finishing it.

Naruto: "Damn. Everyone else is so lucky... I bet the slip makes the ramen taste horrible."

He suddenly threw up on the ground.

Naruto: "What the hell?" He pulled a golden slip out of his excretion.

"I found the final slip! I did! I can't believe it!"

Passerby: "Run Naruto! Run home as fast as you can!"

Naruto ran down the streets, past the courthouse, past his school, past his house, straight out of the village...

Naruto: "Oh, Shit... I passed my house, and I'm in enemy territory."

Inuyasha: "Give me that slip!" Inuyasha stole the slip and ran off.

Naruto: "Damn it all!!!!!!! Hey wait, I know what you like! Sexy Jutsu!"

Inuyasha: "Wait what the... Stares"

----Two Hours later----

Inuyahsa: Stares

Girl Naruto: "Are you sure you aren't going to give me that slip?"

Lovesick Inuyasha: "Well, I don't know, maybe I need something from you."

Naruto: "I've been giving you something for two hours!"

Inuyasha: "Well, I suppose this was worth a lifetime of ramen..."

He began to hand her(Him) the slip.

Sesshoumaru: "Inuyasha! Don't!!! It's not worth it!"

Inuyasha: "I'm telling you again, **I'm not gay**. I understand that you are, but I don't feel that way about men."

Sesshomaru: "Fine, trade away a life of free food for this..._whore_."

He strutted off.

----At Home----

Naruto: "Kakashi, you'll never guess what happened, I won the contest!!!!"

Kakashi: "That's great, but it'll never bring back all that money..."

Naruto: "We could sell part of the lifetime supply of ramen."

Kakashi: "Fine, if you insist."

Naruto: "We're finally here!"

Naruto and Kakashi stood outside the gates with Ino, Sakura, Lee, and Chouji.

Might Guy: " So Kakashi, we meet again."

Kakashi: "Oh damn, why are you here?"

Guy: "Lee has invited me to tour the factory with him."

Kakashi looked around at the other adults; Asuma had come with Ino, Sakura had brought Sasuke along, and Chouji had...Inuyasha with him.

A man with a strange hat walked out of the large doors beyond the gate.

He walked slowly with a small cane aiding his every step.

Orochimaru: "Hello!"

Suddenly a car drove up beside the factory and the window rolled down. Several shots were fired out of the window, all of them striking his chest. He fell to the ground immediately as the crowd gasped.

Man in car: "That's for my brother Louis! He burnt his throat off on your crappy ramen!!!"

The car drove off.

Orochimaru: "Gotcha!" He stood up suddenly.

The entire group laughed at the joke.

Orochimaru: " A big thanks to Yono Sarutobi!"

The car returns and the man waves his hand.

Orochimaru: "Contest winners! Please come in!"

The winners entered the factory together.

Orochimaru: "In this first room we are designing a ramen that doesn't need to be cooked, it uses the power of friction to heat it. We haven't quite gotten the kinks out yet, but it is very interesting."

Naruto: "Kakashi, we've got to try that new ramen!"

Kakashi: "No! We're not allowed to!"

Naruto: "If you don't come I'm telling Child Services."

Kakashi was already in the room.

Naruto picked up a ramen cup, he began rubbing it furiously.

Naruto: "This is really good! What is it about this rubbing that I seem to like so much?"

Kakashi: "Oh no! I know what this is! It's going to cause chronic masturbation!"

Naruto: "What's that?"

Kakashi explains masturbation to Naruto.

Naruto: "So, if that is the form of male masturbation, how do women..."

Kakashi: "I'll tell you when you're older."

Naruto: "So this means that for the rest of my life I'll have an uncontrollable need to..."

Kakashi: "Yes, and that's why you're never taking another shower. I honestly can't stand knowing that there are lives of people being wasted by a kid who can't find a girl. And it's slippery."

Orochimaru: "What are you two doing? I told you that you couldn't come in here!!"

Naruto: "We're sorry..."

Orochimaru: "Just come on."

"In this next room we are experimenting with a ramen that combines more than 15 flavors in one bowl."

Ino: "Like hell! I'm trying this right now!"

She grabbed a bowl.

Ino: "Oh my gosh! It's like an orgy in my mouth! Ahhh!! It's heaven!"

God: "Yeah, sure say that, you think that's heaven? Well take this B!"

He threw an exquisite chicken at her, hitting her in the head.

Orochimaru: "I'm sorry, God sponsors this factory and anything upsetting him will cause some issues around here." He pulled out a flute and played several notes. Several short- strangely colored men walked out in straight lines.

Naruto: "Who are they?"

Orochimaru: "Why those are the Loompa-Chumpas!'

Lumpas: "Loompa-Chumpa dunkitey day.

We warn you now that we are not gay.

Loompa-Chumpa detalley doo.

This is where the tour ends a'for you."

They carried her KO'd body out of the room. (But not necessarily out of the building, if you catch my drift...)

Orochimaru: "In this area, we are developing a ramen that is actually good for you. The average cup contains 2100 of the daily recommended dose of over 9 vitamins and minerals."

Lee took a cup and had a sip.

His body turned to stone.

Orochimaru: "See? Look at all those minerals!"

Guy: "Noooo!!! Now I have to walk 800,902,243,845,547,489,908(eight hundred quintillion, nine hundred two quadrillion, two hundred forty-three trillion, eight hundred forty-five billion, five hundred forty-seven million, four hundred eighty-nine thousand, nine hundred and eight. Say that several times...at a speed of your choice.) laps around Konoha, naked, during winter, on one foot!!!! Curse you Kakashi!!"

Kakashi: "I bet him four years ago, at odds 18,000,000:1, that if Lee died because of turning into stone because of an overdose of minerals in a factory based off of one in a copyrighted movie, that he would walk that many laps under the conditions he listed. If I lost I was forced to watch Asians do it for two hours."

Naruto: "Wow, that's almost as likely as me diying with in the next several seconds." (Jeoprody theme music)

Naruto: "Guess fate followed the right path that time."

He walked off as a missile landed directly were he was standing without exploding.

Orochimaru: "In this next room I've designed a virtual reality were one can see what life would be like if you were a bowl of ramen."

Sakura: "I want to try!!!"

Sakura put on a special suit and goggles as Orochimaru flipped a switch."

Sakura watched as her life went by as ramen, then suddenly fell into a hole that appeared in the ground.

Orochimaru: "Oh, sorry. I accidently set it to 'reality' not 'virtual reality'."

Sasuke: "Hooray!" (Haha! I bet you forgot about him! But I decided to give him a line or two anyway.)

Naruto: "Cough, your entire family was killed by your insane older brother and you are living alone in a poorly furnished shack"

Sasuke: "Why do you have to bring that up? I mean we made out that one time and since then Naruto just hasn't let go."

Kakashi: "You and him are..." He pointed to them.

Naruto: "In a way. There's this Uchiha rule that says that any person who receives sexual contact from an Uchiha must become sexually submissive to them."

Kakashi (WTF Face): "...Now I understand why Orochimaru was always trying to get your body. It's not because he wants to learn everything, he wants to be legally able to do any person in the world."

Sasuke: "And that's why I'm leaving."

Sasuke walked out the door.

Kakashi: "So what will happen to Sakura?"

Orochimaru: "Well, our ramen is generated from sewer waste, so she will probably be mulched into ramen and cycled through the factory forever."

Kakashi: "Oh...Well at least I did that thing for her last week..."

Naruto: "Well this tour is starting to go down the drain, the only other person here is Chouji."

Kakashi: "No actually he has cremated back on page six."

Naruto: "No he wasn..."

Kakashi: "Shhh!"

Naruto: "Ohhh..."

Kakashi: "But unfortunately, Inuyasha is still here."

Inuyasha: "Gosh, I only got payed 16 bucks to babysit this kid! I missed a whole night with Miroku and Kagome! We were going to go to the boyscout knot tying competition and even the date rape drug sampling convention!!!"

Naruto: "You know, leave now and I think you can still make it to the convention."

Inuyasha: "You know, I will do that! Kagome and I have always wanted to drug Miroku and see what happened. (I bet you were thinking that Inuyasha and Miroku were going to have a little double-sided action with Kagome... I bet you did...but Inuyasha wouldn't stoop to that, would he?)(He probably would)

Inuyasha walked out as Naruto stared at his pants.

Naruto: "Are his legs actually that big or what? What's up with those huge pants?"

Orochimaru: "Naruto, being the only one to have survived my tour, I'm giving you the honor of becoming the heir of my vast...Oh wait. I've got a phone call." He pulled out a cell and began talking

"The parents of those who died on the tour are suing, never mind about my vast fortune."

Naruto: "So, who wants ramen?"

Explanation:

Please note that I have no negative feelings toward Asians whatsoever, and I apologize to anyone offended. (ASIAN PRIDE!)

I also hope I have offended no one's religion by mentioning God.

Sesshoumaru is gay, get over it.

Orochimaru is not horribly evil as he is in the show.

This is a parody of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. ©1900-2005 (somewhere in there) Paramount Pictures (probably)

Credits

Written by Latiosman1

Casted by Latiosman1

Inspired by: Family Guy, Futurama, WWCF (see above)

(and if any women reading this would like to give me some "inspiration" for my next story please contact me.)

Special thanks:

God...umm...yeah...


End file.
